I am a depression survivor

I often still can't believe it myself, that I have a chronic debilitating condition that can raise it's ugly head at anytime and send me to fetal position anxiety. I'm a happy, optimistic person who has been described as the re-incarnation of Molly Brown - a woman who as a passenger in a lifeboat next to the sinking Titanic made some comment like, "well at least we can work off some of all that rich food we've been eating." I'm a divining rod for the silver lining. And I have depression.

My first serious bout hit me in my late 30's and led to the end of my marriage and the start of a completely different phase in my life. It was diagnosed as situational depression. It was triggered by my 20th high school reunion where our motto for the weekend was "Be as you were, not as you are." Looking at our forties looming, the class of '76 was stepping into middle age. What struck me as I thought about how different my life was from the pre-Goth drama class nerdy girl I was in high school was how much I missed her and wanted to be her again.

I am happy to report that I am very much that person again and I love the Melanie that phoenixed out of that difficult time. I am less happy to add that over the last 20 years, the challenging symptoms of depression - social anxiety, exhaustion, hopelessness, isolation - have become a chronic condition that seems to be more easily triggered. And after these last few weeks, triggered is putting it mildly.